Food for Thought

I remember the good old days of entertaining. 

There would be a basic assortment of cheeses, a crudités plate, and salty snacks for appetizers, assorted booze, wine and sodas.

I’d serve a tossed salad, make a lovely roast,  mashed potatoes, a green veggie, a gooey dessert and coffee. Wham bam, easy breezy.

Fast forward to today’s issues. Whatta culinary headache!

Suzy is gluten allergic. Marti is lactose intolerant, Rob doesn’t eat meat, Sam is allergic to shellfish, Uncle Earl has gas and doesn’t know what to eat, Aunt Arlene is dieting ( as she shovels a dish of peanuts down before even setting her purse down), Jenny is anorexic and doesn’t eat anything, and Don has diabetes.

This is my gastric nightmare. I feel like a 5 star spa, trying to cater to the needs of my special guests. It would have been easier to take them all out!

I made deviled eggs, shrimp wrapped in turkey bacon with white horseradish inside,  and I figured those who wouldn’t eat the appetizers could drink themselves through this portion of the program which they happily did. Vodka, scotch, wine, lemonade, diet sodas, regular sodas, ice tea, sparkling water; I feel like a barmaid.

The Caesar salad was cold and crispy, and Steve’s homemade dressing a crowd pleaser. Even the anorexic pushed two leaves down.

I bought filet mignon and gorgeous wild sockeye salmon. The little roasted potatoes were yummy in onion soup mix and garlic infused oil. (The dieter had extra helpings of those while she kept inquiring about the calorie content of everything.) The asparagus baked in the oven was farm fresh and just this side of al dente.

The thick steaks were rare,  and the salmon with a sour cream dill sauce was so flavorfuI.  I figured if they starved,…..they starved!

No one starved.

Dessert was decadent caramel fudge brownies,  a bowl of fresh peaches, strawberries and blueberries, and various flavors of ice cream. I didn’t hear one peep from anyone over those while spoons were diving in from all sides. Suddenly the allergies and diets be damned as the vultures attacked. The dieter totaled 7,500 calories while she kept saying “tomorrow’s a new day”.

Works for me.

Uncle Earl disappeared into the bathroom early on and hasn’t been heard from since.

It took me 10 hours to prep and cook this “simple” dinner for friends from which I am totally exhausted and broke. Next time I go for pizza, hot dogs and Popsicles .

They all checked in to thank me and to say it was delicious. They suggested maybe we should do it again for Thanksgiving. Go gobble yourselves!